Chasing Squirrels & Birds

Off to catch a squirrel!

Signing "bird"

Signing "squirrel"

Waiting for the Squirrel to arrive

More signing "squirrel" so Dad knows what's up in that tree...

Gus shines on our recent warm, sunny day...

Babies, Government, and Thomas the Train

Today I held a six-month-old baby who was about the be taken from her drug abusing mother. She was teething. And she was smart and beautiful and sweet. Intensely sad. I sat with her and her two older sisters for an hour while "official people" decided what to do with them. Kinda not what I expected to be doing and it bummed me out. My mentee was bummed too. The sisters are her best friends. What can you say to kids who've spent months and years in CPS holding facilities and foster care? Just give them hope that it can be different, I guess. After they left my mentee asked me if it was usually dark or light in our house. Her mom sleeps a lot during the day. I told her we always open the blinds and have white Christmas lights hanging so our house is bright and warm. She wants to visit. At home I cuddled my boy all I could to ease the cracked feeling in my heart. I can't for the life of me understand putting anything before your child, and I don't get the appeal of drugs. Gus helped me vacuum and do a load of laundry, then we broke out his Thomas the Tank Engine playhouse tent thingy that I have been saving for the right occasion. He played in it all night, tired himself out, showed it to his daddy when the father figure came home early from rehearsal, then passed out. Good way to end the night. I want us to be a foster family when Gus is older.

Love, Life, & other quirks

After several months' hiatus, I have decided to try to blog again. so, here are some updates... I am spending some time today looking for other mommy bloggers, working to connect with other women in the Portland area with whom I share common interests and activties...not the easiest thing in absence of common gathering places like churches, workplaces, etc. I am enjoying the women I have met at my mentoring sessions and in playgroups and such, but I am still trying to find my "community" here in PDX. I am confident that will happen soon...no rush, but as is the case with most things, it won't happen unless I take some initiatve. I am also tending a sweet, needy cold-having little guy. At 17 months, Gus is doing fabulously well, but he does get little colds more frequently than I would like. Guess having a toddler is like that. Poor little dude. He doesn't seem to mind, though. Speaking of Gus, well, I could fill pages about Gus. He is talking a lot - mostly unintelligle babble, but several words are consistent. More importantly, he signs a LOT. He signs for almost everything he wants and for all of his favorite things - which are animals. We learn an average of two new signs a day, mostly from http://www.lifeprint.com/. He's a big reader and he likes to watch a couple of videos. He plays with his blocks, his shape sorter, his stuffed animals his Dora chairs, his keyboard, and the pets. And us. I think we are his favorite toys, actually. We play bouncing games 10-20 times a day, and dance all the time. He is obssessed with his ABC's also. And the itsy bitsy spider. I am working on the second or three sections of my comprehensive exams for my MA in American Studies. I took forever to do the first section on Race, Ethnicity and Class Formation - knowing I had to continue through this semester anyway (one semester was not enough time - according to my advisor - who was right! - and one of my committee was on sabbatacal), my procrastination drive kicked in early last semseter and told me to take my time and then rush through these last two sections! That's how I roll! So, now I am working on the Expressive Forms section, which I will be able to finish super fast - cause it's my favorite - about how literature, film, fashion, body image, etc. represent and influence American Culture and various subcultures within it. I will be done with this section at teh end of FEB, then on to Gender and Sexuality - which is my 2nd favorite topic and one I have lots of experience researching and writing about. I will have two months to work through that, then I will be taking my exams the first 4 weekdays in May. Woo hoo!

The Story of Gus’ First Birthday

Gus woke early and excited. This was due in part because JJ was home, when normally he would be at work before Gus wakes. However, early for Gus is not too early, between 7:30 and 8am. JJ had gotten up in the night and placed the camcorder at hand, so Gus’ day started with JJ singing him Happy Birthday and recording it. We got ready, fed Gus and headed out the door around 10am to drive to Enchanted Forest, a fairytale-themed amusement park about 45 minutes away, outside of Salem. The hope was that Gus would nap on the way there, as he usually sleeps well in the car and he was ready for his morning nap by the time we left the house. No such luck – he whined a bit but would not go to sleep – I’ve never seen him so determined to stay awake. After a quick stop for me and JJ to grab some really bad amusement park food, we were off! We visited the Medieval Village where we saw a creepy animatronic Pinocchio, and a water show with music, lights, and water fountains that spray in time with the music and which ultimately made Gus cry (probably because it was dark in the room and the music was really loud). From there we went to a fun and bawdy kids play in the outdoor amphitheatre called Snow White and the Seven Dorks, where Gus was more interested in playing in the dirt between the seats than in the action on stage. It was a good show – JJ and I both liked it! Since we don’t get to see much theatre nowadays – Gus isn’t ready to sit through a show yet – we were excited to see the show and it was actually very funny! Next we all jumped on a little miniature train – including JJ, who had to squeeze in and hunker down in order to fit. Gus was not enjoying it at first, but as soon as the train got rolling he had fun and perked right up. We ended with a walk through Western Town – bought souvenirs at the dry goods store: a magnet, a pennant and a toy flute - and wandered through the actual “Enchanted Forest” part of the place, where all the big fairy tales are represented with little statues and houses and the like. Gus enjoyed this last bit, I think because it was all tucked away in the woods and he loves the forest – he gets all excited about trees. As we expected, Gus conked out immediately in the car on the drive home, and slept the whole way. Good thing, too, ‘cause that was the only nap he took all day! At home, Gus got more presents – Grandma B’s package of birthday goodies! He had fun all afternoon playing with his new stacking cups and chewing on the tags to his new PJ’s. We took it easy in the evening, not wanting to exhaust him, Gus and I stayed home while JJ went to Footy practice. Gus was asleep before Dad even got home! In keeping with the excitement of the day, however, Gus woke us up around 1:00am (he normally sleeps through the night) – he was wide awake and ready to go! So, JJ dragged his Daddy self out of bed and wore him down by rocking him for about a half hour, then we switched off and I got him right back to sleep, thanks be! To be continued....

Here we go. It's the toddler years...oh boy! It's such a tumultuous time watching my little guy's development accelerate so that he is displaying new skills literally every day, and also challenging us more and more each day as he asserts his will and desire for independence. It's a roller coaster - one minute he is my sweet baby, needing Mommy to hold and soothe him, and the next he is a pissed off kid, throwing himself backwards in fury because I will not allow him to chew on the computer cords. Oy! One thing I know - Gus makes me think about my own behavior and the consequences of my actions more than I ever have. And he makes me want to be a better person. Motherhood has a way of exposing cracks in the the armor of self-assurance and competence that many of us have built around us. The challenge of raising a child provides me with lots of opportunities to doubt and question my knowledge and my abilities, something I don't do often in my other roles. It's humbling. But in the end, as often as I am unsure of the proper response to his behavior, or whether I am doing enough to stimulate his imagination and intellect - in the end, when I see Gus cheer, smile and clap in anticipation of a favorite story or video, or because he accomplished a new feat like putting his plastic shapes into the matching slot, or when he gently pets the cat rather than smacking her in the face and yanking her tail - that is when I breathe a sigh of relief and feel a moment of validation, of pride and of joy that I imagine most parents cherish as much as I.